The minimalist movement sweeping the nation — through tiny houses, Marie Kondo’s bestseller outlining the “KonMari” decluttering method, the Project 333 tiny wardrobe concept — has found a following in Key West.
Some Minimal Regatta contestants, like Aaron Govoro shown here, are overcome by “that sinking feeling” during the quirky race. (Photo by Carol Tedesco, Florida Keys News Bureau)
Actually that’s not surprising, because most Key West residents have lived a happily simple lifestyle for years (or decades). Many people prefer bicycles for transportation rather than cars, and large clothing collections are unnecessary because dressing up usually involves donning “formal flip-flops.”
In addition, the island’s two-by-four-mile footprint means houses are necessarily small — sometimes expanded with creatively funky outdoor living space — so possessions are typically “curated” for maximum usefulness, and there’s blessedly little room for clutter to accumulate.
Overall, life in Key West is easygoing and relaxed, materialistically simple but rich in experiences and adventure. And each year around Memorial Day, one group of adventurous spirits gives the minimalist movement a seafaring spin — when fans of the fast-growing trend can cheer teams powering boats made of bare-bones materials in the annual Schooner Wharf Minimal Regatta.
Now in its 26th year, the quirky regatta is an undisputed Memorial Day Weekend tradition in the Florida Keys. As well as minimally constructed vessels, it features plucky mariners displaying a “sink or swim” spirit that means maximum fun for spectators.
For one past entrant in the “sink or swim” regatta, it was all about the accessories — including a bright green tutu and top hat. (Photo by Rob O’Neal, Florida Keys News Bureau)
This year, it’s set for Sunday, May 28, with the maritime merriment scheduled to begin around midday at the beloved Schooner Wharf Bar at 202 William St.
So what exactly does the Minimal Regatta entail?
Before the event itself, each team of up to six members must construct its boat. And that’s not as easy as it might sound, since a team is allowed only a single sheet of 4-by-8-foot plywood, two 8-foot-long 2-by-4s, a roll of duct tape, and a pound of fasteners to use in the construction process. Even caulking and adhesives are forbidden, though epoxy paint is (mercifully) allowed.
Participants can compete in either the race’s kayak/canoe design or open design categories. Many entrants each year demonstrate only minimal construction skills, but some are unexpectedly talented in design and fabrication.
That’s lucky for the team’s “designated passenger,” whose task is to navigate a short course in the Key West Historic Seaport beside the Schooner Wharf. As hundreds of spectators cheer, these hapless mariners try to keep their craft afloat longer than their competitors — with varying degrees of success.
A few teams get “that sinking feeling” soon after launching, while other vessels seem surprisingly buoyant.
Costumed as a vampire, Emerson Farris paddles his S.S. Stoker, named for “Dracula” author Bram Stoker, during a previous Minimal Regatta. (Photo by Haig Jacobs, Florida Keys News Bureau)
Among the most memorable entries in recent years were a baby-blue boat dubbed the Mother Ship and paddled by an obviously pregnant woman, a replica of the S.S. Minnow from the classic sitcom “Gilligan’s Island” and a kayak piloted by a man wearing a green tutu, top hat and fishnet stockings.
Few can forget the aptly-named HMS Flounder, whose intrepid captain kept paddling even as it sank, and the S.S. Stoker, named for “Dracula” author Bram Stoker. The coffin-shaped craft was manned by a 12-year-old boy dressed as the fictional fanged vampire, who powered it with a paddle designed to resemble flying bats.
This year as in the past, regatta entrants will vie for prizes for the fastest entries, most creative designs, best paint jobs, best costumes and sportsmanship — as well as the dreaded “sinker” awards for the least seaworthy vessels.
While it may be dubbed the Minimal Regatta, there’s nothing minimal about the fun that awaits Memorial Day Weekend crowds watching the wacky spectacle. Check it out — along with other upcoming Key West events — on the calendar here.
